Discipling Kids in Rules Without Relationship
Primary Texts: Matthew 23:15, Deuteronomy 6:4-7, Ephesians 6:4, Luke 15:25-32
Theme: You can produce kids who know the Bible and hate the God of the Bible.
DEVOTIONAL OUTLINE
INTRODUCTION
Jesus’ harshest words weren’t for sinners. They were for Pharisees.
Why? Because they were “clean on the outside, dead on the inside.” Matt 23:27
And we’re doing it again.
In homes. In churches. In Christian schools.
We’re raising a generation that can:
Quote verses. Judge people. Serve in church.
But doesn’t know how to sit with Jesus and cry.
Matthew 23:15 “Woe to you… ye compass sea and land to make one proselyte, and when he is made, ye make him twofold more the child of hell than yourselves.”
Big Idea: Rules without relationship produce Pharisees. Relationship without truth produces rebels. We need both.
I. THE SYMPTOMS: HOW YOU KNOW YOU’RE RAISING PHARISEES
- OBEDIENCE FROM FEAR, NOT LOVE
They obey because “daddy will beat me” or “God will punish me.”
Not because “I love Jesus and don’t want to grieve Him.” - PERFORMANCE-BASED IDENTITY
“I’m good because I read my Bible, pray, and don’t do X.”
The moment they fail, they hide like Adam. Gen 3:8 - JUDGMENTAL SPIRIT
Quick to correct others. Slow to show mercy.
The Older Brother in Luke 15:28-30. “I served you and you never…” - SECRET DOUBLE LIFE
Publicly holy. Privately bound.
Because they never learned confession, only concealment.
Truth: Pharisees are manufactured. No one is born one.
II. THE ROOT: 3 PARENTING TRAPS
- COMMAND WITHOUT CONNECTION – Deut 6:6-7
“Teach them diligently… when you sit, walk, lie down, rise.”
God commanded discipleship in life, not just lectures.
We give rules in the car and disappear to our phones at home. - CORRECTION WITHOUT GOSPEL – Eph 6:4 “Do not provoke your children to wrath”
We say “Don’t do that!” but never “Jesus died for that.”
We point to the law but not to the cross. That breeds despair or pride. - IMAGE OVER INTEGRITY
“What will people say?” > “What does God say?”
We care more that they look Christian than that they ARE Christian.
So we hide sin, fake peace, and model hypocrisy.
III. THE REMEDY: DISCIPLING FOR HEARTS, NOT JUST HANDS
How do we raise sons/daughters, not Pharisees?
- MODEL REPENTANCE, NOT JUST RIGHTEOUSNESS
Let them see you say: “Daddy was wrong. Please forgive me.”
Pharisees never apologize. Sons do. - TELL THE GOSPEL AT EVERY FAILURE
Child lies → “That was wrong. And Jesus died for liars. Let’s confess and He forgives.”
Don’t just punish. Preach. The goal is not behavior modification. It’s heart transformation. - PRIORITIZE PRESENCE OVER PROGRAMS – Deut 6:7
15 mins of “talk about the Lord” at dinner > 3 hours of church programs.
They need to see you love Jesus when no one is watching. - GIVE GRACE FOR FAILURE
The Prodigal got a robe before a lecture. Luke 15:22
If your home is not the safest place to confess sin, they’ll go hide it. - TEACH THEM TO HEAR GOD, NOT JUST OBEY YOU
“What do you think the Spirit is saying?”
Pharisees obey men. Sons obey the Father. IV. THE HARD QUESTION
Ask yourself:
If my child rebelled today, would they run TO me or FROM me?
If they failed morally, would they think “God hates me” or “God is waiting for me”?
Your answer shows what you’ve been discipling.
CONCLUSION
God is not raising an army of rule-keepers.
He’s raising a family of sons and daughters.
Rules show them the standard.
Relationship shows them the Savior.
Don’t raise kids who can quote Scripture but have never been undone by it.
Don’t raise Pharisees who know about God but don’t know God.
John 17:3 _”And this is life eternal, that they might know thee…”
CLOSING PRAYER*
Father, forgive me for discipling behavior and neglecting hearts.
Forgive me for modeling hypocrisy and calling it holiness.
Give me grace to model repentance, preach the Gospel at home, and love my children like You love me.
Make our home a place where sin is confessed, not concealed. In Jesus’ name. Amen